Posted in Relationship and Love

Islamophobia- An inner demon which I never thought existed

I believe myself to be a completely open person. More open then most of the people in India. I believe in equality between men and women, that they should share all work equally including cooking, taking care of kids etc. Which is not that common in India. I believe that LGBT humans should be respected and allowed to marry as per their wish. I think they are normal and same as others and I have few gay friends as well.

I am open to new culture and experiences as well. I respect all the religions and even though I am myself an atheist, but I think anyone should be allowed to follow their own religion and culture no matter where they live. We should respect it and them.

In the last two decades there has been a lot of terrorism specially after ISIL came into existence. Starting from the heart wrenching September 11 attacks in the USA until the New Zealand mosque attacks in Christchurch. Let’s just accept that most of the terrorist attacks have been due to the extremists in Islam. We can’t deny it and it’s a fact.

But I think terrorism is in every religion. I won’t and can’t blame a Muslim just because one of his kind attacked and killed hundreds of people. There are good and bad people everywhere. I follow most of the world news closely and have defended Muslims when they were blamed for most of the problems in the western world, including my country Germany. Here in the state of Saxony, Islamophobia is rising heavily, and it is kind of scary.

I am educated enough, and I know that I am right. I thought I was the better person. And these fools spreading hatred about Islam and islamophobia are just dumb ignorant people who just don’t know how childish and stupid they sound. Until I experienced this.

I was on a trip in Portugal and I was sleeping in one of the hostels. Totally this room had 5 beds and the other 4 were occupied but I had no idea who was there, since I arrived at this city quite late. The city of Seville is quite magnificent and after being out the whole night and worn out, I slept. Next morning my eyes opened, and I was thirsty and wanted to get off my bed, until I saw a group of 4 men praying at 6 in the morning. Now after research I came to know that it is called Fajr, an early morning prayer before sunrise.

These 4 men were wearing old torn clothes and had their capes on. No offense but they looked somewhat like the people they show on documentaries and TV news, responsible for killing lots and lots of people. I knew that they were just praying but they way it all happened, it completely scared me. I wanted to just lie down and not make any noise and might even had a thought that I might be killed any minute. The issue was that I was lying on the top bed, while they were lying and praying. Somehow it made me think “damn. They are praying before carrying out the act of their god. Today is the end for me. Why did I travel! My house was much safer and better”.

After 5 min of torture, they finally left. I realised I was just being dumb and insane and at point even felt embarrassed and disappointed with myself. How can I, out of everyone feel this way! They were just some innocent people praying to their god before starting their day. The discipline to do it before 6 in the morning was commendable as well considering I am myself a lazy goose.

The point is, that day made me realise that somehow a bit of islamophobia existed in me as well, thanks to our amazing media and news propagandas. The worst part is that I never realised this and even though it never happened again, I wonder how much the past two decades have influenced people in such a way that they dread Muslims and Islam.

This is really something worth thinking and pondering about. Because Islam or no Islam, humans hating humans because of a religion should not exist. That’s my thinking and feeling as well. Period.

It makes me also wonder whether the other people who have the “actual” islamophobia might have undergone something like what I did, albeit extreme and permanent? I don’t know. What is going through the mind of an Islamophobic. Only they might know it. But I do know one thing. This word, “Islamophobia” should not exist.

Posted in Relationship and Love

Life is worth living

April fool everyone?

It seems like suddenly I am writing out of the blue, which means it must be April fool s day right? It isn’t. it is just that finally I have my own apartment. So now I can do all the activities I used to do before I had to move out due to shitty circumstances.

What exactly happened

To say blatantly, my landlord was weird and creepy. He would enter anytime my house without any information and would steal my things. My trimmer got stolen, my bag got stolen (it had nothing though). But I would not be able to complain because my contract had already expired, and I was staying there illegally. So, finally when in November the heater broke and it was winter here in Germany, and since my landlord did nothing about it, I decided to move out. I stayed with a friend for two months but since we were sharing a single room and I had to pack everything , I could hardly do anything besides work, eat and sleep.

What happened until Now in my life

After October, I have hardly blogged but now I will continue to blog every now and then peacefully. In November I was living in an AirBnb apartment and could hardly workout or do anything (since I had to wash my clothes outside and also can’t put my workout clothes to dry out every day). Then in December during the winter breaks, I travelled to Seville in spain, and spend few days there before travelling in south of Portugal and a week in lisabon. I had amazing time hiking and spending a lot of time outside, the weather was amazing and I could really relax in the beaches and read some books as well.

In January I was already back in frankfurt and was working for a week before travelling to india for a month. My aim was to visit my friend living in india for his wedding but suddenly my aunt was sick and she died. Nobody expected this since she was healthy and not that sick and I was checking on her almost every day, but she passed away. So I cried. Because she was quite close to me, almost like my second mother. I really must thank my ex for making me this emotional man who realised what is important to me in life. Before meeting my ex I was strong and would rarely cry. My grandpa who died did not make me feel anything, even though he was even closer to me than my aunt and I loved him a lot. And now that I think about it , I am just ashamed. Not because I did not cry. But because I felt nothing. Like my life just went on without any emotion or sadness. I wish I was this way, when my ex left me.

I think emotion defines a person. If a man cries, doesn’t mean he is weak. But it just shows how much the person meant and how expressive and emotional that person is. Our society portrays a strong man as the one who supports everyone(woman) when they are sad and doesn’t share his sadness and doesn’t cry. But a strong man is the one doesn’t hesitate in showing his emotions and is involved in both the happiness and sadness of his partners, family and the surrounding friends and people.

Anyway, I cried every now and then and everyone was obviously surprised by it. I could not attend my friend s wedding. I was in my village where my aunt was cremated and due to some superstitions in India that you should not visit anyone except your own house after someone dies, I had to stay there for almost two weeks. My vacation got over just like that.

I came back to Germany and moved to my new empty apartment just before a month. Took me sometime to build some furniture, and I am still building them but atleast now the house looks inhabitable.

I am also building a small gym inside my house and will update about it in my next blog posts. It is nice to write again. It brings back the memories of me writing fanatically when I had my breakup last year during this time. I still think about her sometimes and thus it has made me to stop moving on completely because the next girl I want to be with, should have 100% of my love and attention. But I am happy and grateful with everything that has happened. Life is worth living, folks. Don’t forget it. You might go through hard times. But when you will come out of it, you will appreciate your history!