This is the first interview I am going to do on this blog. This interview was given to me by one of my close friends living in Kassel city, Germany. He has told me to keep his name anonymous but I am pretty sure that somewhere in future in Lost Frequency Editions, you will come to know who he is. Anyway doesn’t matter how he looks but we need to focus on what he went through. Since he is one of the closest to me, and he went through a breakup as well just two months after me, I decided to take his interview first. Here is the background story :
I have known him for almost three years now. We have helped each other during good and bad times and that’s what defines a friendship. I actually consider him my older brother who I can always rely on, no matter what the situation is. When I went through breakup I told only few including him. I could have isolated myself but I decided to share my pain considering it was beyond imaginable. I had hardly talked to him for the past two years regularly. Just every few months. Anyway when I had just broke up, I remembered him and decided to contact him. Before I could tell him what had happened in my life, he told me he was in immense love with a woman and he was going to meet her soon to have a dinner. I decided to tell him later. I was quite happy for him because as a person he is nice and gentle and deserved someone in his life. Fast forward to 3 months later. He changed his profile picture to that of Santorini in Greece. He was alone in the photo and that felt odd for me. I called him and he told me he broke up. I was sad to hear it but did not expect the whole story to be so chilling and weird. The way he described me previously, I felt that he was in a relationship with a nice woman who treated him really well. But then we talked for few hours almost, and I realized that his story and the relationship he was part of was close to demonic.
They were dating each other for almost 6 months but the girl tried to breakup almost 12 times (was already an indication that it won’t last long). She used to talk about black men and how she loves black men again and again to him. Her previous Ex treated her really bad, was abusive and sent her threatening messages. She broke up after 11 years with her first bf because she did not find him attractive anymore and just left without saying anything. Yet it seemed that she missed these kinds of men (sometimes I think woman who have gone through lot of shit in their life are not used to decent people). He did many nice and sweet things for her, cared for her like a freak but she used to tell him things which only indicated she will run away. Once during a New Year eve, he arranged everything and they were really happy in a city of their choice but she told him “Maybe this is the last time we are here together”. Overall the girl seemed psychotic. I asked him what exactly the problem was and why she left. He told me he has no idea. Everything seemed fine. They had even amazing sex and he even got complements so that was not the reason. The problem was maybe something related to her mental situation. She used to behave weird sometimes, hit him (she had also hit her exes before), or shout or act in a crazy way out of the blue. Yet, he always propped up with her. Why? Because he loved her. Unconditionally. Like I did and that’s why I know his pain. But in the end all it took her was a “Bye Bye” message to leave him. She used to tell him that even if they have babies there is no guarantee that she will stay with him. To be honest my friend is to be blamed at some point for what happened but love is blind and I know what I was ready to do to have my ex no matter what it takes. Anyway, I know his story almost in depth, because I visited him and his city Kassel and had a much more detailed talk with him. In future I will post about my experience in Kassel, Germany. But here are the questions I asked my friend and his replies.
Aron – How are you? Is everything fine in your life after breakup?
H – After 4 months of the breakup, I feel everything is fine. I’m doing great! But the first 3 months after the break up really drenched me emotionally. It was the biggest ordeal of my life without any fault!
Aron – When did it exactly happen? Was it a mutual amiable breakup?
H – She played with me and my feelings ruthlessly. It was her decision to break up. Her patterns of breakups would even surprise any psychologist.
Aron – How did you cope up with your breakup?
H – I talked a lot to myself. I gave myself self assurance that I did not do anything wrong and I should not victimize myself. I talked with a lot of my close friends. I took advice of elderly people. I did lot of travel and sports. I tried to pamper myself.
Aron – Why do you think breakup/divorce happens?
H – Assuming that both the partners are psychologically stable and were in relationship with mutual consent because of whatever needs, the break ups/divorces occur when during relationship some events occur. Once a hole in relationship is created, then either it breaks up or no longer remains the same. Actually, either break ups/divorces happen or they are just suppressed anyhow. Only few couples would be out there who survive this tough test of relationship!
Aron – What do you think are the most important values or things in a relationship which should exist?
H – Trust, mutual respect, strong attraction, communication, vision for common future and sex.
Aron – What you learned during and after your relationship was over? Positive and Negatives.
H – Positive: Love yourself first! Care for yourself before caring others!
Negative: don’t let others breach your self-respect! One signal is enough! Don’t let yourself be exploited in the name of love or feelings. Test your partner!!
Aron – Are you dating right now? Do you advise people dating right after a heartbreaking breakup within the first few months?
H – I’m not dating right now. It’s ok to date once the initial shock is over. A new relationship may help heal old wounds. Be honest to your new partner.
Aron – Any advice to people who are in toxic relationship or people who are going through breakup?
H – Respect yourself and give value to the unconditional love of parents and friends. Pamper yourself. No one deserves to hurt or treat you bad, especially when you are in relationship. Once the other person ruthlessly breaks this relationship, never ever give him/her any chance, rather concentrate on your own uplifting and well-being. Do more sports, travel more and indulge in self improvement.
Well, since then he has traveled a lot. He is getting stronger like me day by day. Sometimes he remembers her similar to my situation, but the feelings are not good and the vibe is not positive and thus he knows that it is useless and rather to spend time on productive things. He joined Tinder to get some dates only to find his EX already there with all the photos she took from the trip with him(she did not put photos of her with him on Tinder ofcourse). It hurt him more but he is trying to move on. I am happy that he is getting better and I know that one day he will be with someone who actually appreciates and respects him and loves him the way, that he loves back. I will try to update his life once there are some good positive outcomes and results. Until then, be strong , stay safe and take care of yourself and your biggest investment which is you!!