I believe myself to be a completely open person. More open then most of the people in India. I believe in equality between men and women, that they should share all work equally including cooking, taking care of kids etc. Which is not that common in India. I believe that LGBT humans should be respected and allowed to marry as per their wish. I think they are normal and same as others and I have few gay friends as well.
April fool everyone?
It’s been so long since I wrote anything on this blog. I was quite busy with few things. Including searching for an apartment and with my job.
My life is currently at a very critical phase. I feel that it has become stagnant. Funnily I did meet a girl after a long time whom I thought I liked but my thought process and my approach surprised me.
In this blog post I will update what happened in the last few weeks. The last time I wrote, it was about me meeting a girl that kinda intrigued me. So here is what happened. I was searching for a new apartment and this girl and I had appointment at the same time. We met along with others but had time to talk and we both seemed quite connected. But me being a bit skeptic now after my breakup kept my distance and had no plans to make any approach towards her. To my surprise she told me that she wants to share the house with me, since finding an apartment in frankfurt is quite difficult. I was surprised but since I was interested I accepted it. Then she took my number after I told her I had no Facebook nor Instagram. I never made any attempt to be in contact. She did. She told me she wants to meet me for beer outside and if I like Guinness beer. I said yes. Every move she made felt like she was quite interested in me. Anyway after we left, I sent her a text after few days if she wanna meet up. She said she’s busy. This happened 2 times and then I stopped texting her. I deleted her number. I’m tired of BS in my life I guess. But yes this “I don’t give a shit” attitude feels amazing. First time in my life, my priority is me and my family.
Moving on. My job seems a bit stagnant now. I was an amazing developer and now I’m put into a field which I’m not really into. So I decided to take a big and bold step and change my job. I have applied to a few and fingers crossed that I get something.
I was traveling again in Croatia for 10 days and then I went to Pilsen. This happened in end of September and first week of December. Now that December breaks are here, I’m now in Spain. The beautiful city of Seville. First day so could not take much photos except this beautiful orange tree that is part of this big street. Funny nobody just picks it up and eats it.
I will try to Blog more often now that I have more time with me. Cheers to you and your love for yourself.
I met a girl. After almost 10 months of my breakup. Dunno but there was something sparkling about her. She’s half German and half Italian and somehow I met her, while searching for an apartment, and found her.
I have met a lot of woman during these months, never got physically engaged with them obviously, but not because they weren’t good looking. But because I wasn’t ready. I still don’t think I’m. But somehow meeting this girl, made my change my mind.
I wanted to live alone and find solace. But this girl sparked in me the life, which was drained out of me this year. I got over my ex but it didn’t mean I was ready for the next one.
We have exchanged numbers. Let’s see how it goes!! I have no expectations. But this incident shows me I haven’t given up!!
I was talking to my parents yesterday and they started telling me that in few years in need to get married. My parents actually want me to marry soon. But I am not interested. Actually, right now women don’t attract me. At least not sexually. Ironic considering, I still watch porn sometimes. I feel gay even though I am pretty sure I am straight as a rod. I blamed breakup for many things. My weight gain, my depression and making me lifeless. But I would agree that the one thing this breakup has left me with, is feel uninterested in women. It is not even a choice. But it is like an order, my body has taken from this experience, to not look at women or admire their beauty or get attracted to them.
Which brings me to my blog post, what kind of women attract me or used to attract me in this case. I never had an ideal partner in my mind. But now I want to put together an imaginary woman who I would love to be with based on what I think and feel I like and is necessary for me. Let’s see how it turns out. These are the qualities I think is important in a relationship for me with no specific order.
Let’s start with
This blog was started by me when my breakup happened. The whole scenario, even though not in detail was part of my first blog post.
Time has been quite slow for me, but still it has been 6 months and counting and I still feel like I am living in a dream. But the good news is I am getting better and so will you because time is a beautiful witch. It gives, and it takes something at the same time.
As a tribute to my life story and the past one year, I have written a breakup song. This song is just a very short summary of what happened in the last one year. The title is “The Wanton Wind”. Since every writer or poet has a pen name, I have decided to adopt mine as Mark Nauru. Why this particular name. It is a secret. Maybe you can guess. Or maybe I will tell you one day. Here is how the poem goes.
As you might recall, I had started a 50-day introvert edition challenge for myself. The aim was to take up 4 different sets of challenges.
The challenges were the following along with my choices:
- Take up something which I used to do but stopped doing: Reading a Novel
- Take up a hobby which you hate: Running
- Take up a hobby which is useful professionally: Learning German
- Take up a hobby which you never did or started but never actually got into: Learning Guitar
This blog post is my first update after I took up this challenge. Basically, the challenge started on 14th of August and I will talk about my progress in each section, my recommendations (what worked, what did not) along with my overall rating at the end.
When I talk to people about what they would like to have in their life, the most of them might say, that they want to be rich, that they want to own a super-car like Lamborghini in their life. Something which they can show to others and live a rich lifestyle, and drive it around and be happy. Lamborghini, Ferrari, Porsche or something similar and but doesn’t matter exactly which one they would like to own. But if I ask them or let’s say if I even ask you whether the super car you own, is without an engine, would you be happy and satisfied with it?
Well, my life before few months was perfect. Lots of things happening, good things, physically mentally and professionally. And if you might have read my recent posts, you might have understood that I have reached the self-destructive mode. What is a self-destructive mode? In life this is the phase, when you are quite often bored. Your life has become monotonous. The same repetitive cycle of just working/studying, watching something on TV/Internet and sleeping. When I say self-destructive mode, I mean, you have no motivation, no ambition, no schedule nor plans. You have given up everything to time and just going along with the flow. Some might say that maybe it is better to just let things figure out themselves. But I disagree. If I had done things this way, I would have been still living in my home country in poverty (or maybe not) with a mediocre job and life.
It’s been six months exactly since I broke up. I have already written about how it affected me mentally and all the pain and suffering I “had” to go through. I used the word “had” but honestly the suffering has not yet finished. And now at the end of the six months, the person I am, has become much worse than how I was. But should my ex be blamed for this? Or the enemy is and was always within?