Everything

Posted in Relationship and Love

My Breakup Song

This blog was started by me when my breakup happened. The whole scenario, even though not in detail was part of my first blog post.

I Broke Up and I Feel Like I Am Dead

Time has been quite slow for me, but still it has been 6 months and counting and I still feel like I am living in a dream. But the good news is I am getting better and so will you because time is a beautiful witch. It gives, and it takes something at the same time.

As a tribute to my life story and the past one year, I have written a breakup song. This song is just a very short summary of what happened in the last one year. The title is “The Wanton Wind”. Since every writer or poet has a pen name, I have decided to adopt mine as Mark Nauru. Why this particular name. It is a secret. Maybe you can guess. Or maybe I will tell you one day. Here is how the poem goes.

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Posted in Relationship and Love

Islamophobia- An inner demon which I never thought existed

I believe myself to be a completely open person. More open then most of the people in India. I believe in equality between men and women, that they should share all work equally including cooking, taking care of kids etc. Which is not that common in India. I believe that LGBT humans should be respected and allowed to marry as per their wish. I think they are normal and same as others and I have few gay friends as well.

I am open to new culture and experiences as well. I respect all the religions and even though I am myself an atheist, but I think anyone should be allowed to follow their own religion and culture no matter where they live. We should respect it and them.

In the last two decades there has been a lot of terrorism specially after ISIL came into existence. Starting from the heart wrenching September 11 attacks in the USA until the New Zealand mosque attacks in Christchurch. Let’s just accept that most of the terrorist attacks have been due to the extremists in Islam. We can’t deny it and it’s a fact.

But I think terrorism is in every religion. I won’t and can’t blame a Muslim just because one of his kind attacked and killed hundreds of people. There are good and bad people everywhere. I follow most of the world news closely and have defended Muslims when they were blamed for most of the problems in the western world, including my country Germany. Here in the state of Saxony, Islamophobia is rising heavily, and it is kind of scary.

I am educated enough, and I know that I am right. I thought I was the better person. And these fools spreading hatred about Islam and islamophobia are just dumb ignorant people who just don’t know how childish and stupid they sound. Until I experienced this.

I was on a trip in Portugal and I was sleeping in one of the hostels. Totally this room had 5 beds and the other 4 were occupied but I had no idea who was there, since I arrived at this city quite late. The city of Seville is quite magnificent and after being out the whole night and worn out, I slept. Next morning my eyes opened, and I was thirsty and wanted to get off my bed, until I saw a group of 4 men praying at 6 in the morning. Now after research I came to know that it is called Fajr, an early morning prayer before sunrise.

These 4 men were wearing old torn clothes and had their capes on. No offense but they looked somewhat like the people they show on documentaries and TV news, responsible for killing lots and lots of people. I knew that they were just praying but they way it all happened, it completely scared me. I wanted to just lie down and not make any noise and might even had a thought that I might be killed any minute. The issue was that I was lying on the top bed, while they were lying and praying. Somehow it made me think “damn. They are praying before carrying out the act of their god. Today is the end for me. Why did I travel! My house was much safer and better”.

After 5 min of torture, they finally left. I realised I was just being dumb and insane and at point even felt embarrassed and disappointed with myself. How can I, out of everyone feel this way! They were just some innocent people praying to their god before starting their day. The discipline to do it before 6 in the morning was commendable as well considering I am myself a lazy goose.

The point is, that day made me realise that somehow a bit of islamophobia existed in me as well, thanks to our amazing media and news propagandas. The worst part is that I never realised this and even though it never happened again, I wonder how much the past two decades have influenced people in such a way that they dread Muslims and Islam.

This is really something worth thinking and pondering about. Because Islam or no Islam, humans hating humans because of a religion should not exist. That’s my thinking and feeling as well. Period.

It makes me also wonder whether the other people who have the “actual” islamophobia might have undergone something like what I did, albeit extreme and permanent? I don’t know. What is going through the mind of an Islamophobic. Only they might know it. But I do know one thing. This word, “Islamophobia” should not exist.

Posted in Relationship and Love

Life is worth living

April fool everyone?

It seems like suddenly I am writing out of the blue, which means it must be April fool s day right? It isn’t. it is just that finally I have my own apartment. So now I can do all the activities I used to do before I had to move out due to shitty circumstances.

What exactly happened

To say blatantly, my landlord was weird and creepy. He would enter anytime my house without any information and would steal my things. My trimmer got stolen, my bag got stolen (it had nothing though). But I would not be able to complain because my contract had already expired, and I was staying there illegally. So, finally when in November the heater broke and it was winter here in Germany, and since my landlord did nothing about it, I decided to move out. I stayed with a friend for two months but since we were sharing a single room and I had to pack everything , I could hardly do anything besides work, eat and sleep.

What happened until Now in my life

After October, I have hardly blogged but now I will continue to blog every now and then peacefully. In November I was living in an AirBnb apartment and could hardly workout or do anything (since I had to wash my clothes outside and also can’t put my workout clothes to dry out every day). Then in December during the winter breaks, I travelled to Seville in spain, and spend few days there before travelling in south of Portugal and a week in lisabon. I had amazing time hiking and spending a lot of time outside, the weather was amazing and I could really relax in the beaches and read some books as well.

In January I was already back in frankfurt and was working for a week before travelling to india for a month. My aim was to visit my friend living in india for his wedding but suddenly my aunt was sick and she died. Nobody expected this since she was healthy and not that sick and I was checking on her almost every day, but she passed away. So I cried. Because she was quite close to me, almost like my second mother. I really must thank my ex for making me this emotional man who realised what is important to me in life. Before meeting my ex I was strong and would rarely cry. My grandpa who died did not make me feel anything, even though he was even closer to me than my aunt and I loved him a lot. And now that I think about it , I am just ashamed. Not because I did not cry. But because I felt nothing. Like my life just went on without any emotion or sadness. I wish I was this way, when my ex left me.

I think emotion defines a person. If a man cries, doesn’t mean he is weak. But it just shows how much the person meant and how expressive and emotional that person is. Our society portrays a strong man as the one who supports everyone(woman) when they are sad and doesn’t share his sadness and doesn’t cry. But a strong man is the one doesn’t hesitate in showing his emotions and is involved in both the happiness and sadness of his partners, family and the surrounding friends and people.

Anyway, I cried every now and then and everyone was obviously surprised by it. I could not attend my friend s wedding. I was in my village where my aunt was cremated and due to some superstitions in India that you should not visit anyone except your own house after someone dies, I had to stay there for almost two weeks. My vacation got over just like that.

I came back to Germany and moved to my new empty apartment just before a month. Took me sometime to build some furniture, and I am still building them but atleast now the house looks inhabitable.

I am also building a small gym inside my house and will update about it in my next blog posts. It is nice to write again. It brings back the memories of me writing fanatically when I had my breakup last year during this time. I still think about her sometimes and thus it has made me to stop moving on completely because the next girl I want to be with, should have 100% of my love and attention. But I am happy and grateful with everything that has happened. Life is worth living, folks. Don’t forget it. You might go through hard times. But when you will come out of it, you will appreciate your history!

Posted in Relationship and Love

The life has to move on

It’s been so long since I wrote anything on this blog. I was quite busy with few things. Including searching for an apartment and with my job.

My life is currently at a very critical phase. I feel that it has become stagnant. Funnily I did meet a girl after a long time whom I thought I liked but my thought process and my approach surprised me.

In this blog post I will update what happened in the last few weeks. The last time I wrote, it was about me meeting a girl that kinda intrigued me. So here is what happened. I was searching for a new apartment and this girl and I had appointment at the same time. We met along with others but had time to talk and we both seemed quite connected. But me being a bit skeptic now after my breakup kept my distance and had no plans to make any approach towards her. To my surprise she told me that she wants to share the house with me, since finding an apartment in frankfurt is quite difficult. I was surprised but since I was interested I accepted it. Then she took my number after I told her I had no Facebook nor Instagram. I never made any attempt to be in contact. She did. She told me she wants to meet me for beer outside and if I like Guinness beer. I said yes. Every move she made felt like she was quite interested in me. Anyway after we left, I sent her a text after few days if she wanna meet up. She said she’s busy. This happened 2 times and then I stopped texting her. I deleted her number. I’m tired of BS in my life I guess. But yes this “I don’t give a shit” attitude feels amazing. First time in my life, my priority is me and my family.

Moving on. My job seems a bit stagnant now. I was an amazing developer and now I’m put into a field which I’m not really into. So I decided to take a big and bold step and change my job. I have applied to a few and fingers crossed that I get something.

I was traveling again in Croatia for 10 days and then I went to Pilsen. This happened in end of September and first week of December. Now that December breaks are here, I’m now in Spain. The beautiful city of Seville. First day so could not take much photos except this beautiful orange tree that is part of this big street. Funny nobody just picks it up and eats it.

I will try to Blog more often now that I have more time with me. Cheers to you and your love for yourself.

Posted in Relationship and Love

Met a girl

I met a girl. After almost 10 months of my breakup. Dunno but there was something sparkling about her. She’s half German and half Italian and somehow I met her, while searching for an apartment, and found her.

I have met a lot of woman during these months, never got physically engaged with them obviously, but not because they weren’t good looking. But because I wasn’t ready. I still don’t think I’m. But somehow meeting this girl, made my change my mind.

I wanted to live alone and find solace. But this girl sparked in me the life, which was drained out of me this year. I got over my ex but it didn’t mean I was ready for the next one.

We have exchanged numbers. Let’s see how it goes!! I have no expectations. But this incident shows me I haven’t given up!!

Posted in Lost Frequency

Hohenzollern Castle Stuttgart (Lost Frequency Edition)

I was on a vacation during the last week and thus could not blog neither workout. But, that gives us another topic to blog about in my travel logs known as Lost Frequency. I spent 4 days there and my plan was to spend not my entire time in Stuttgart considering I have already been there twice.

I specifically wanted to visit Hohenzollern castle which is around 2 hours from Stuttgart with a train. This is how the whole trip turned out to be:

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Posted in Workout Logs

Workout Log Sep 11

I must say I am surprised with my commitment. Believe me, this year I am probably the laziest person in the world. Lot of the credit must be given to the depression I had. Maybe even now I am not completely happy like I used to be. But overall I became the laziest animal in this entire planet this year. But nevertheless my motivation has never been higher in terms of working out. I got up and had no doubts in my mind today that I won’t work out. No thoughts that let’s take a rest today. For breakfast I had cereal (Müsli) with milk. I guess it is not that healthy and had chocolate and nuts. But a bit of fat and carbs in the morning is good. For lunch I had a salad and since I have already showed once how it looks, I will try to post the pic only every now and then. I worked late today and came back home around 20:00, but took only a min to put on my running gear and started my workout. Here is what I did.

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Posted in Workout Logs

Workout Log Sep 10

Yesterday I could not workout. I really wanted to, but ended up feeling too lazy and feeling too much pain in my body. I guess every now and then, a rest day is essential for body heal. But today after a day of gap, I continued now in my journey towards weight loss. I had a bananna for breakfast, followed it up with a bread cheese and jogurt. I had all of these for breakfast. Thus, a heavy breakfast. I had no lunch today but I did had a banana around 16:00, three hours before my workout. By the time I wanted to workout, my stomach was already growling. Thus, it has made me realise that it is better to have many small meals than few big ones. Here is what I did today

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Posted in Relationship and Love

My Dream Partner

I was talking to my parents yesterday and they started telling me that in few years in need to get married. My parents actually want me to marry soon. But I am not interested. Actually, right now women don’t attract me. At least not sexually. Ironic considering, I still watch porn sometimes. I feel gay even though I am pretty sure I am straight as a rod. I blamed breakup for many things. My weight gain, my depression and making me lifeless. But I would agree that the one thing this breakup has left me with, is feel uninterested in women. It is not even a choice. But it is like an order, my body has taken from this experience, to not look at women or admire their beauty or get attracted to them.

Which brings me to my blog post, what kind of women attract me or used to attract me in this case. I never had an ideal partner in my mind. But now I want to put together an imaginary woman who I would love to be with based on what I think and feel I like and is necessary for me. Let’s see how it turns out. These are the qualities I think is important in a relationship for me with no specific order.

Let’s start with

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Posted in Workout Logs

Workout log Sep 8

I created this draft yesterday when I was on the train, going to watch the movie “THE NUN”. I love horror movies. But before that I wanted to create a draft about my workout today. I will keep it short since I don’t have much time.

Day

Yesterday I had again a brunch. Rice but not much with lots of vegetables cooked together in a pan. I also had some pineapple. Since it was the weekend I decided to cook myself and something healthy. They looked something like this :

Workout

I didn’t workout a lot yesterday. I didn’t run because I had to get ready to go to the bar and then watch the movie later at night. But still I worked out enough. And even little efforts everyday matters. Only need to make sure that consistency is maintained.

I did the total body workout from the app 7, then did the day 7 workout from the app “Six pacs in 30 days”. But by the time I finished with these two I was already sweating a lot. Then I used the app “home workout”, after a long long time. I got exhausted but it was time to shock my body.

So for that I did weight Trainings today. Intensive chest and biceps training from the app “dumbbells workout”. Here I did just 3 sets of each exercise. But the interesting thing is only 30 seconds break between each exercise and 1 min break between each set. Each set had 6 exercises lasting for 30 seconds each. My arms are still paining from this and it is surprising for me considering I was only lifting 5 kilos.

PS – For those who want more pics of my diet or my running routines, please check out the previous logs in September.

Dinner

I had some custom kuskus but very small quantity before I left. I went out and had beer but I made sure I took it in small quantity (around 300ml). And for my dinner I had a fitness burger. This burger has no cheese and the bread is with high wheat content. I had carbs tonight and that is a bit regrettable but since I have just started the journey now, I think I will take baby steps. Instead of completely cutting off the lifestyle I had, which is quite difficult to be honest. Overall I’m pretty sure I lost calories today much more than I gained. And that’s the secret to weight loss. Looking forward to day 8, which is today.  I will try to post it today before I sleep.