In one of my previous posts, I talked about what I realized about life, love, relationships when the breakup happened. Most of the people going through a breakup think that, they wasted time and energy in a relationship which was never right. But little do they know that they have grown as a human and as a person when they are recovering from it. In this post I will talk about other things which I rather learned but about myself.
Obviously you learn a lot of things about life love and also your partner. The reality check happens but most importantly you learn about yourself. You learn about your positives and your flaws but the good news is that the next time, you will try to avoid the mistakes you made in your previous relationship. You will also know exactly what you expect from your next relationship. I am going through the same phase now. I learned a lot of things about me both negatives and positives. I will go through the 4 important negatives and positives in this blog post I learned from this relationship (and maybe update them as time goes on and I learn more about myself). I will start with the negatives and then the positives. Maybe some negatives might sound extreme and I should not go hard on myself. But nevertheless I always strive to be a better person and maybe you guys can help me!
I am not as open as I thought I was
Well I am from a reserved family. I don’t judge women or men but too much revealing clothes stings me. I am open to bikini but not open to those extreme ones which shows most of the butt and body (80% or more butt). My ex used to wear revealing clothes and that used to upset me. My family is extremely reserved, but I am quite open to most of the things. My family doesn’t drink nor think wearing less clothes is nice. Bikini is a big taboo. But I still made up my mind to accept these things and I thought I was open enough .But it upset me and I did not treat my gf sometimes in a good way. I even told her that I will buy her a bikini myself, but I don’t want her to wear those extreme South American bikinis from her country. What I learned is that , I can be more open. And I should give complete freedom to my partner. That’s something I would like to change in my next relationship. Maybe my level of openness at present is already good enough and maybe its normal for men to be this way. Write below, your comments about what you guys think.
I am Calm but there is a room for improvement
I am an extremely calm person. But I am a human as well. When I got disappointed again and again, or when she was rude with me many times, I stayed calm and handled things pretty well. But her decision to maintain the long distance for next 4 years without asking me anything killed me. In such a way that, I told her to not talk to me for few days and even called her childish, dumb and manipulated (to not think about herself and good things for her by studying here) and to think the long distance will survive for such a long period of time. I had reasons to do it and what she did was quite childish and immature. But still name calling and not keeping calm should be avoided. I know I can be better than this. Of course I apologized to her immediately after that. And compared to her, what I told her and my reaction was quite acceptable (but even then I will avoid it in future) considering all her steps only lead to the destruction of this relationship. However, I learned that even someone like me can get angry and pissed and this is something that must be dealt in a better way.
Better Organisation and Lifestyle
My ex had one good thing about her. Maybe the one big thing which I liked about her but at the same time she was extreme about it. She was quite scheduled and organised even though I had only seen this when she used to organise things in our room and make schedules for her work. She was not good at planning but she was good at making monotonous schedules. Which is quite important as well for a stable life where you want to do things again and again (going for a run, blogging etc). I plan things but I don’t stick to them and have the habit of procrastinating. Nevertheless I am taking it seriously now. But I am a spontaneous person and that also makes it not easy. I can and should be also flexible. Another thing I learned from her is to brush my teeth twice. I used to do it just once but now I make sure my body falls onto my bed only when my teeth is sparkling. Sounds gross to some of you, but I had this bad habit.
I care about others more than I ever cared about myself
Maybe that’s what costs me. If I don’t care about someone, I don’t care about them at all. But if I really care about someone, time after time I have seen that I am ready to help them as much as I can sometimes even not thinking about myself. I am quite accommodating. And healers that is never good. That makes people take you for granted and they know that whatever drama or demand they will create, it will be accommodated by people like us.
There should be a “Me too” attitude instead of “you first”, or worse “Me first”.
I am extremely Romantic and Caring
My ex took me for granted and thought whatever I did for her, I would do it for anyone. But what I did for her, most of the things were first time for me. I started writing a book for her (incomplete and will never be complete now that it is finished), bought flowers, sang a song on my knees at the airport, wrote poems, made amazing cards, did things sacrificing my own comfort so that she has a better life. When she got sick, I put my heart and soul in taking care of her and making sure she gets better quicker so that she doesn’t suffer more. I have no regrets and I am happy to actually discover this part of me. But when I look at it, I am just amazed about the person I was from within, hidden from the world. I am not ready now but one day I will be, to date another woman and I will make sure that I truly give her all happiness and love and be the same person I discovered within me.
I am quite ambitious
I thought I am a person satisfied with whatever I have and just being happy. Yes, I am this person. But I have ambitions. I always try to do one thing or the other. In my high school I had a robotics company which I sold for some bucks before moving to Germany. Only for the pocket money. Then I started a blog with which I made some money. And then I started trading stocks, besides my full time job. Then I started recently another business with one of my friend for bringing teachers and students together. I never appreciated it but with my ex, I realized that I am quite ambitious in a good way and something I never thought about myself. I also wanted her to do great things and achieve big things. I love pushing people around me to strive harder and give their everything for a better future. I am humble and modest but I know that only hard work and perseverance can bring great things in life and I want the people who I care about to have an improved prospect in life. Being overambitious is bad and that’s where my procrastination also helps me. HaHa. Jokes apart I think little bit of ambition is always good.
I am quite low maintenance and can adjust to things quick
I did not speak her language. Her culture was new to me. There were lots of challenges for me. But I was really good at adjusting to all of them. I learned her language faster and got acclimatized to her friends and family. I got attuned to her culture and the common things done day to day faster than I expected. I mentioned that me being low maintenance is negative as well but when with good people ,it always turns out be a positive.
I am forgiving and Sympathetic
I believe in more than second chances. I think everyone makes mistakes and most mistakes should be forgiven. Instead of being judgmental we should understand the situation of a person and be sympathetic if necessary. I found out that I am a forgiving individual and more matured than I thought. I think people can change if given the right motivation and guidance. Sadly not in this case. But still I tried everything and I think everyone should have forgiveness inside of them and should not build up hate specially if they care about someone and they make mistakes. Keeping on forgiving someone who doesn’t care and continue to only hurt you, must be avoided as well. But going overboard and few mistakes is the end of the road must be uprooted from within.
I learned about me. I am a Version 2.0 Aron now. I think there might be Version 3.0 and Version 4.0 in the future and a better one. But everything happens for a reason. Just make sure that when you come out of bad things, you are a better person and individual.
Because life is not about keeping grudges and regretting the bad things. It’s about accepting them, learning from them and making sure to avoid them and be a better yourself !
Take Care and have a nice Easter Vacation!!