I was talking to my parents yesterday and they started telling me that in few years in need to get married. My parents actually want me to marry soon. But I am not interested. Actually, right now women don’t attract me. At least not sexually. Ironic considering, I still watch porn sometimes. I feel gay even though I am pretty sure I am straight as a rod. I blamed breakup for many things. My weight gain, my depression and making me lifeless. But I would agree that the one thing this breakup has left me with, is feel uninterested in women. It is not even a choice. But it is like an order, my body has taken from this experience, to not look at women or admire their beauty or get attracted to them.
Which brings me to my blog post, what kind of women attract me or used to attract me in this case. I never had an ideal partner in my mind. But now I want to put together an imaginary woman who I would love to be with based on what I think and feel I like and is necessary for me. Let’s see how it turns out. These are the qualities I think is important in a relationship for me with no specific order.
Let’s start with
Continue reading “My Dream Partner”
No I am not going to talk about Justin Timberlake’s song here. I am here to address the big Indian elephant in the room – “Arranged Marriage”. The thought of arranged marriage seems weird to most of the western people.
When arranged marriage is brought up, they think about two set of parents, talking and deciding that their kids will get married in the near future. Well they are not wrong. At least not completely. Arranged marriage has gone through some major transition in India. And here is why I think the modern Indian arranged marriage might turn out to be very good after all.
Continue reading “Not a bad thing”
I have come to terms with the fact that I don’t want her anymore and it is better to accept this and move on with my life. This happened before 4 weeks, and then onwards everyday seems like a day which I just want to end in a hurry. I used to get up every day, first attend to her texts and reply them and start my day. The night was precisely the same. My world revolved around hers and my day and night started and ended with talking and thinking about her. There was one particular photo of hers (it is now etched in my mind) which I used to look at every now and then, when I woke up. It made me happy but at the same time I felt like I have someone to love and protect in my life now. I have a responsibility for this human, and I will make sure she gets what she wants when she is with me and will make sure she remains happy no matter what. Then I used to go to work and wait for her to get up and send me the photo of her face waking up. It was the most beautiful thing ever and made me smile and feel emotional. I used to work, talk to her and later Skype with her, watch movies with her, make love with her on Skype, share things with her which I used to never share with anybody else and get to know about her life and motivate her to do and achieve great things. I used to sleep late, get up late, go to work late but I was very happy and never complained. The time difference between Germany and South America sucked but I never thought about it.
Continue reading “The Voyage through Abyss- My First 4 weeks”
When someone wants to leave or run away from a relationship, they come up with different ways to do it. The fault might be theirs but instead of being direct and honest they will try different ways to make us understand why this relationship is over. My ex came up first with a wide range of excuses but when I was not ready to separate and give up, then finally she used the best possible way to feel less guilty and feel comfortable going ahead with this breakup (I won’t be dwelling into what/how it happened). But in this post I want to talk about the different ways men/women have triggered the breakup in my life including my own.
In my life I have seen 5 (maybe there are more?) different personalities and the ways/arguments they start the breakup process( even though the real reason might even be that they are cheating or found someone better etc):
Continue reading “An Ode to Absconding – My Experiences in Life”
After I broke up, it tore me apart. I felt like I lost everything. And I am not talking only about losing contact with a person whom I loved unconditionally and without expectations. I lost my dignity, self-respect, my peace, mental strength. I cried for weeks. And even after the official final separation and my final decision to give up, I cried more. It pushed me into therapy. My mind was filled with thoughts like “How could I waste so much of my emotions, time, energy, feelings and even money (the least important for me) on someone who never truly understood me and never truly loved me”. I thought the relationship was a big mistake and that I was so stupid to ever think that it will work after I put everything from my side to make it work. Relationship should be supported from both side. And I was seeing what was happening but still tried to support it singlehandedly and ignored and forgave her again and again. “How can someone do this and think this way and leave me when I am down when she was everything for me and I did everything”. Or so I thought.
Continue reading “My Breakup – For the Greater Good (Part 1)”
One of the best quotes I ever heard in the recent times. And this quote is also the answer to my previous post’s open discussion -> What made me finally give up and also accept the breakup.
In the last post I talked about how everything was in my relationship and I did not give up until at a certain point where my ex told me something which opened my eyes and made me realise what was actually going on. Surprisingly this quote came out of my ex and it was funny why she actually said it. But why she said it? She thought she was not special for me even after everything I was doing and was ready to do anything and that she was just another woman.
Continue reading “If Someone really wants Something they will “DO” Anything”
Feb 25 2018. Worst day of my life. Why? You already know from the title. I broke up with someone whom I loved and cherished for the past many months. The pain and suffering I am going through is unbearable. I never loved someone the way I did with her and it feels like I am getting stabbed every day and every minute. And this pain exists and is excruciating because I never thought I will separate from her after all those promises and words we told each other to live together forever and die together(life huh).
Continue reading “I broke up!! And I feel like I am Dead.”