I was talking to my parents yesterday and they started telling me that in few years in need to get married. My parents actually want me to marry soon. But I am not interested. Actually, right now women don’t attract me. At least not sexually. Ironic considering, I still watch porn sometimes. I feel gay even though I am pretty sure I am straight as a rod. I blamed breakup for many things. My weight gain, my depression and making me lifeless. But I would agree that the one thing this breakup has left me with, is feel uninterested in women. It is not even a choice. But it is like an order, my body has taken from this experience, to not look at women or admire their beauty or get attracted to them.
Which brings me to my blog post, what kind of women attract me or used to attract me in this case. I never had an ideal partner in my mind. But now I want to put together an imaginary woman who I would love to be with based on what I think and feel I like and is necessary for me. Let’s see how it turns out. These are the qualities I think is important in a relationship for me with no specific order.
Let’s start with
Continue reading “My Dream Partner”
The second interview of this blog series. This interview was quite emotional. She is one of my best friends and the only person who pretty much knows everything happening in my life. In fact, I have shared more with her than anybody in the last 6 months. I met her via an online learning app. She taught me her language and I taught her English. She improved her English and my proficiency in her language is still bad. Sucks. Anyway, we were no that close before. But with time the respect and affection grew between us. We consider each other like family and I think she is like a young sister I never had. I am happy she is part of my life and I hope our brother-sister relationship will stay for as long as I breathe. So, here is what happened.
Continue reading “Stuck in a Maze”
Well, my life before few months was perfect. Lots of things happening, good things, physically mentally and professionally. And if you might have read my recent posts, you might have understood that I have reached the self-destructive mode. What is a self-destructive mode? In life this is the phase, when you are quite often bored. Your life has become monotonous. The same repetitive cycle of just working/studying, watching something on TV/Internet and sleeping. When I say self-destructive mode, I mean, you have no motivation, no ambition, no schedule nor plans. You have given up everything to time and just going along with the flow. Some might say that maybe it is better to just let things figure out themselves. But I disagree. If I had done things this way, I would have been still living in my home country in poverty (or maybe not) with a mediocre job and life.
Continue reading “50 day challenge (Introvert Edition)”
I was thinking to start something new in my life. I was bored, felt my life had become a bit monotonous after the breakup. All I did was get up, go to work, come back, and watch something on Youtube and then sleep. Of course I had started also dealing with stocks and that added some craziness in my life. But besides that I felt my life was not spontaneous and striking as before. I decided that on Sunday (8.04.2018) I will do something crazy and spontaneous that I did not do before. Which was to get up, take a train to the station of Kronberg and start walking without any plan or roadmap!
Continue reading “The Quest for Solace Begins at Taunus – Lost Frequency Edition”