The second interview of this blog series. This interview was quite emotional. She is one of my best friends and the only person who pretty much knows everything happening in my life. In fact, I have shared more with her than anybody in the last 6 months. I met her via an online learning app. She taught me her language and I taught her English. She improved her English and my proficiency in her language is still bad. Sucks. Anyway, we were no that close before. But with time the respect and affection grew between us. We consider each other like family and I think she is like a young sister I never had. I am happy she is part of my life and I hope our brother-sister relationship will stay for as long as I breathe. So, here is what happened.
It’s been six months exactly since I broke up. I have already written about how it affected me mentally and all the pain and suffering I “had” to go through. I used the word “had” but honestly the suffering has not yet finished. And now at the end of the six months, the person I am, has become much worse than how I was. But should my ex be blamed for this? Or the enemy is and was always within?
No I am not going to talk about Justin Timberlake’s song here. I am here to address the big Indian elephant in the room – “Arranged Marriage”. The thought of arranged marriage seems weird to most of the western people.
When arranged marriage is brought up, they think about two set of parents, talking and deciding that their kids will get married in the near future. Well they are not wrong. At least not completely. Arranged marriage has gone through some major transition in India. And here is why I think the modern Indian arranged marriage might turn out to be very good after all.
I was thinking to start something new in my life. I was bored, felt my life had become a bit monotonous after the breakup. All I did was get up, go to work, come back, and watch something on Youtube and then sleep. Of course I had started also dealing with stocks and that added some craziness in my life. But besides that I felt my life was not spontaneous and striking as before. I decided that on Sunday (8.04.2018) I will do something crazy and spontaneous that I did not do before. Which was to get up, take a train to the station of Kronberg and start walking without any plan or roadmap!
Going through a breakup can never be easy. Particularly if you were sincere, honest and loved your partner more than anything in this world. Sometimes, you are not even in a relationship with a person but you just like and care about them. But they don’t give a shit about you. They have other priorities and you are just an option. It sucks. I know this more than anybody. I know how that desire kills from within. The feeling to want to see your partner immediately, hug them, kiss them, and tell them that you want them back. To show your love and appreciation to them. But is it worth it? Are they worth it? This post is about ways to conquer your mind, when these kinds of yearnings and thoughts comes to you. I am with you. You are not alone.
In one of my previous posts, I talked about what I realized about life, love, relationships when the breakup happened. Most of the people going through a breakup think that, they wasted time and energy in a relationship which was never right. But little do they know that they have grown as a human and as a person when they are recovering from it. In this post I will talk about other things which I rather learned but about myself.
Lots of things have happened. I still have panic attacks and today I saw her photo in Google hangout and she had changed it to a new photo which she might have taken before going out. I had headache and anxiety seeing it. Here I was, going through depression and therapy and not able to interact and go out and have fun. And here she is, the little, only child princess, already moving on (or maybe it is just a facade) and starting a new life. It hit me like an ice berg and I felt more upset and started repenting on why the heck I even saw it.
Well, I knew it would have happened one day. But did not expect it to be so early. After not talking for almost two weeks my ex sent me an email telling me that what she did was not right and how she behaved was something really degrading as a person. The email said that, it was not right for her to tell those things to me and she is feeling guilty. Well, I love her and the first thought in my head was that I won’t reply to her anything. She has only hurt me and hurt me enough and it is time that I start living my life and don’t have conversations with someone who took me for granted. But then I could not stop myself (the heart wants what it wants huh?) and told her that :
I have come to terms with the fact that I don’t want her anymore and it is better to accept this and move on with my life. This happened before 4 weeks, and then onwards everyday seems like a day which I just want to end in a hurry. I used to get up every day, first attend to her texts and reply them and start my day. The night was precisely the same. My world revolved around hers and my day and night started and ended with talking and thinking about her. There was one particular photo of hers (it is now etched in my mind) which I used to look at every now and then, when I woke up. It made me happy but at the same time I felt like I have someone to love and protect in my life now. I have a responsibility for this human, and I will make sure she gets what she wants when she is with me and will make sure she remains happy no matter what. Then I used to go to work and wait for her to get up and send me the photo of her face waking up. It was the most beautiful thing ever and made me smile and feel emotional. I used to work, talk to her and later Skype with her, watch movies with her, make love with her on Skype, share things with her which I used to never share with anybody else and get to know about her life and motivate her to do and achieve great things. I used to sleep late, get up late, go to work late but I was very happy and never complained. The time difference between Germany and South America sucked but I never thought about it.
When someone wants to leave or run away from a relationship, they come up with different ways to do it. The fault might be theirs but instead of being direct and honest they will try different ways to make us understand why this relationship is over. My ex came up first with a wide range of excuses but when I was not ready to separate and give up, then finally she used the best possible way to feel less guilty and feel comfortable going ahead with this breakup (I won’t be dwelling into what/how it happened). But in this post I want to talk about the different ways men/women have triggered the breakup in my life including my own.
In my life I have seen 5 (maybe there are more?) different personalities and the ways/arguments they start the breakup process( even though the real reason might even be that they are cheating or found someone better etc):