Going through a breakup can never be easy. Particularly if you were sincere, honest and loved your partner more than anything in this world. Sometimes, you are not even in a relationship with a person but you just like and care about them. But they don’t give a shit about you. They have other priorities and you are just an option. It sucks. I know this more than anybody. I know how that desire kills from within. The feeling to want to see your partner immediately, hug them, kiss them, and tell them that you want them back. To show your love and appreciation to them. But is it worth it? Are they worth it? This post is about ways to conquer your mind, when these kinds of yearnings and thoughts comes to you. I am with you. You are not alone.
Every day at least once or twice I have panic attacks and I feel like approaching my ex. I feel like sending her a text or an email. It is sad considering what happened and I feel angry at myself that after every shit she put me through, my gentle heart still wants this. But believe me healers. This is just a facade. What is hidden behind this facade of hope is just more remorse and pathetic state of mind. This feeling will haunt you, if you ever decide to let go of your own self-esteem and try to reach out to someone who gave you importance like that of a toilet paper. However, I have learned to deal with it in the last few weeks and it is time for you to let it go!! How? Here are the top 4 ways I came up with:
Me vs Him/Her
When you feel like you want them back in your life, or you feel that you miss them. Even if they had hurt you really bad. Then, try to make a list or table. Write on the left side, what they provided you in your life. Or how they contributed in this relationship. On the right side, write what you did and your feelings of love and care for them. In addition write the benefits if they are with you. If it will improve you and your life or not. And on the right side, the advantages of not having them in your life. If you are gaining more by losing them, then better keep this paper in the place where you study or sit frequently or sleep and look at it when you miss them a lot. The number of negative point just shows that they have much more to lose by not being with you than vice versa. If not paper then read it again and again until it is etched in your mind. Every time you remember this person, recall this paper and points.
Be a Freak
Talk to yourself. Text yourself. If you have nobody else to talk to and spend time then do it. If you have friends and family then spend time with them. But when you feel like texting your ex or partner, then rather whatever you wanted to tell them or text them, do it to yourself. Tell it to yourself. You will realise how pathetic it sounds. How desperate it feels. Send an email to yourself instead of sending it to your partner. Be a psycho. Look at the mirror and shout at yourself “I love you”. Feel weird about yourself. But never forget that it is better than contacting them. Be proud who you are and how you have progressed in life. Don’t be a down to earth person. Forget your modesty and accommodating nature. Be high maintenance and think that you will rather be alone than be with a person like them. It doesn’t mean you hate them. You just don’t want to care or think about them anymore. Be like Donald trump if you have to be.
Positivity and Reality Check
The reality is. You will not be alone. There! I said it. Yes, you heard it and it is the truth. I can give you a guarantee for this. Ask yourself. You were an amazing person in this relationship? You did everything with lots of love and devotion, in spite of all the carelessness from the other person? You genuinely loved that person? Then, how can you ever be single and lonely! How can an incredible person who loves and cares like nobody else, miss out. The fear of being single and alone drives us mad. This fear makes us forget about self-love and dignity and makes us go back to people who don’t care about us. But, there are plenty of fishes. Think about all those weird and creepy people in your life, who you would have never ever dated, nevertheless they are in a relationship. If they can find someone then why not you, the better person? Be positive! But more importantly be brave.
You became single recently. You are sad now. Ironically on the other hand you were very sad and spent most of your time crying and being unhappy in your relationship. But even then you want your partner back and you miss them very much. There is a tiny bit of hope that maybe they will contact you. The reason is because you miss their company and you are bored. Yet it is time to open your mind vault. Go back in time and think about the things you did when you were single. You were happy were you not? It is not like you always were in a relationship and always needed a company to be happy. I hope not! Being single is amazing in many ways. The recent relationship on the other hand only made things worse. Things might have been good but only for a brief moment. So remember all the things you did when you were single. Hiking, blogging, doing sports. Like a throwback memory from your mind vault. Don’t forget that you had and have your own life before your partner entered it. Just get back to them and rekindle the romance you had with yourself.
You are not a crazy person whom the world hates. Even terrorists have partners. You are a wonderful person. You were just with the wrong person at the wrong time. You met them because of a chance. If you had not, then there would have been someone else in your life. There is no “the one” out there. That’s the hard reality. And for sure this other person would have been a better match for you. If you had not gone out that day and met Maria (for example) at the bar, you would not have been in this sad relationship with her. Maybe next day you might have met Sonia at a bus stop and things would have been different. Love is overrated and you need to accept it. So go out and just wait for this better match to show up. Be a freak who loves and adores himself/herself. Be a narcissist if that’s what it takes. BUT BUILD UP ALL THESE QUALITIES ONLY FOR A SHORT PERIOD. Let your world revolve around yourself and be the king or queen of this world. Because you are too good to be hurt and be in sorrow.
And if nobody loves you then I am here. I love you!