When I talk to people about what they would like to have in their life, the most of them might say, that they want to be rich, that they want to own a super-car like Lamborghini in their life. Something which they can show to others and live a rich lifestyle, and drive it around and be happy. Lamborghini, Ferrari, Porsche or something similar and but doesn’t matter exactly which one they would like to own. But if I ask them or let’s say if I even ask you whether the super car you own, is without an engine, would you be happy and satisfied with it?
You might think “What the hell is he talking about?”. Of course nobody would like a car without it’s engine. It is useless. It just looks good but it would not help you in any way, would it now? What I am talking about, my friends, is Beauty. Outer appearance. Outer appearance is the most common way at present to choose a partner. And I am not saying that it is a bad thing. The outer appearance makes the first impression. The best impression. But similar to the Lamborghini in this example, is outer appearance of a person enough?
I am a sapiosexual person. I love intelligent women. I remember the first ever moment I ever had crush on a woman, was because she was a genius in Math and computer science. But ironically only my first Ex was intelligent. The next few I dated turned out to be either really dumb or had no special qualities except good looks. And that shows that I am responsible for all the decisions and the end results I have met , in my life. I still remember some of the dumbest things my previous Ex had told me and my friend , and he used to laugh his ass off. But I never cared about it. I loved her and for me nothing else mattered.
Which brings me to my next point. How much role does appearance of a person plays in a relationship or marriage? I will think about my analysis and my thoughts based on my experiences and experiences of others and present it here. I know that there are many people, for whom appearance and sex matters a lot. Most of them feel that how a person looks and how good they are in bed defines whether a relationship will last long or break up. It is 5% true. Why? Because attraction for me is important rather than beauty. Beauty is objective. Almost every person might find a tall blond blue eyed woman beautiful. External Appearance is objective most of the time. But attraction is subjective. It can be that you like someone and are attracted to them because they are funny, or induce a sense of calmness or they are very intelligent.
Maybe you found someone physically really beautiful/handsome and started going out with them. But when you are actually part of the relationship after few weeks or months, you realize that the beauty and appearance with time matters very little. The same goes for sex. In 24 hours, maybe you spend 2 hours having sex (for crazy people I have included 2 hours limit). What matters is, how and what your partner contributes in this relationship. They should be making you a better human being. They should be improving your life (and not improving in a physical way by giving you gifts etc even though that is a bonus). When you are stressed, they should help you to calm down and relax. Helping you in tackling the problems and be successful. Motivate you and push you towards greater goods.
When you break up from a relationship, you realize that the women you went running behind because she had a good body or looked stunning was in fact someone who gave you hell. These physical attributes won’t matter at all and your thoughts won’t be filled with them. The only things you will remember is how she/he treated you, the good and the bad. You would only remember a little or not at all, how she kissed you or how the sex felt or how she did crazy things with you. If you remember your partner only because how amazing the sex with her was, then something is seriously wrong with you thoughts. My sister is married. She told me something interesting that I want to share with you guys. That during a relationship or when you get married, after few months these physical features would become quite normal and you get so much used to them that it won’t play important role in your life. I agree with her. I have experienced it.
Which brings me to the final discussion. What is actually important? I will only talk about two qualities and I think if they exist then no matter what, your relationship won’t break. I can guarantee it. Maybe I will also open a Poll in future where you can vote and tell me what you think is important in a relationship.
Here they are :
Let’s say that finding a partner who is selfless and someone who puts you above them is quite difficult. At least in this present world where everyone thinks mostly about themselves and the benefits for them and their life. It exists but quite rare and for me is the most important quality in a partner. Interestingly dogs exhibit this character and quality quite often and that’s why I see more dogs with old people here in Germany than partners together (just kidding). My parents are quite selfless and they have sacrificed a lot for me. I love them and they are rare. In my previous relationship , I tried to be selfless (if you read my previous posts you will realize it), but it was foolish of me to think that it would be reciprocated.
I would say, do it , if your partner actually deserves it. Altruism means, to do things and putting someone else and their needs before you and to care about them more than themselves. To keep someone else in comfort while themselves being satisfied with a mediocre comfort. If you really love someone deeply, you will do it. Because their happiness will come first before yours and that will make you more happy. I remember not eating and saving money so that my partner can have amazing food. It only made me happy. If someone is not selfish then loyalty comes automatically. Because they will not cheat and think about their pleasure and needs. With Altruism, care kindness and many other qualities comes intact.
Understanding means, to know you and your thinking, what exactly is going through your life, why exactly you did something (right or wrong) and to be able to handle it accordingly. Understanding according to me is quite underrated. Everyone talks about honesty, kindness and so on. But let’s say there is a situation where you actually had to lie to your partner and she finds out and she wants to know why you did it and what made you do it ( I am not talking about cheating here which for me is same as an unforgivable curse from Harry Potter). And when you explain it to her (and that doesn’t have to repetitive and in-depth), she analysis it and if she understands you enough, she will accept it, tell you everything will be alright, stay loyal instead of going haywire and starting a war. That is a perfect partner right there.
There is a saying. “beauty is inside and not outside”. And that’s the truth. Of course the body appearance and attraction plays a role as well. But it is not like you only get attracted to one women or men in your life. When you go out it is possible that you find loads and loads of people beautiful and attractive physically. Therefore your job is not running behind beauty, considering it won’t help you anyway long term. Like a Lamborghini without an engine, a partner with only beauty will just stay with you, contributing and doing nothing, wasting you time and money.